Week 10 - Step 3 Workshop for Elizabeth Allen

Workshop for Part 3


Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.
I liked the information provided. I now understand what fossil fuel is. ;) I also learned the pros and cons of both types of energy sources.


2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.
Elizabeth's concern was for her grammar, and I did the best that I could to help her via email.

Thesis
3.Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?
I was a bit confused by Elizabeth's first paragraph. I wasn't quite sure which was her thesis. I now understand that she is against nuclear energy. Her last sentence of the first paragraph led me to confusion, because it seemed that she was in favor of nuclear power.

4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?
Groups in favor of nuclear energy may tend to disagree with her.


5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?
Yes, she does.


Content
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!
I would give her essay a 5 on *my* interesting scale. Elizabeth's essay was interesting, but scary. After reading her essay, I am quite certain that I am scared of nuclear energy. I would hate for major populated areas to become infected with cancer, or even die because of radiation leaks. It seems that all energy sources have adverse effects, and her essay didn't give me a solid foundation of which is better overall. Also, if she broke up some of her paragraphs a bit, and fixed some grammatical errors, I'd find her essay more interesting.


7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?
Elizabeth gave good ideas and examples of historical and current events concerning energy sources.

I do have a suggestion. I'd like to see Elizabeth cite more sources in her paragraphs. For example, in paragraph two, more research information on the greenhouse gas emissions, and where she got that information from. I'd like more proof for her claims.



8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.
They may argue that by not using nuclear energy, the traditional sources will run out, and cause too much greenhouse gas emition damage.




9.Has the author dealt with these objections?
She has dealt with possible outcomes of nuclear energy, potential terrorist attacks, and pricey installation problems. Also, she has gone in depth of possible adverse effects of radiation exposure.


10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?
I would suggest that Elizabeth change the location of her thesis, and put it in the end of the first paragraph - to make it more clear which side she agrees with. Aside from the main thesis, I would add the counter arguments later in the paper, and take them out of the first paragraph.

Style
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?
Elizabeth could probably break up some of her longer paragraphs. This would make it easier to read. I've seen a couple of spots where she could have started with a new paragraph. When she gives different examples, she could start a new paragraph to keep the reader more interested.




12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?
When I saw coal and nuclear power, I automatically lost interest. I am ignorant in this subject. Maybe by adding a more dramatic starter sentence, like a scary fact might draw one in.




13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?
Yes, it does, and I like her last paragraph.




Research
14. How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited; look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.)
I found 4 citations.


15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?
Elizabeth should cite missing sources for some of the information provided.


16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion? No.


17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)
I cannot find many of the works cited sources in the essay.



18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).

Where did you find the following information? That's a source citation opporunity.


"On March 28th, 1979 the Three Mile Island Unit 2 nuclear power plant outside of Middletown, Pennsylvania had a incident, when a feed water pump stopped working, the pump allowed the steam generators remove heat from the core; after that happened the reactor shut down creating pressure, leading to much pressure that caused the core of the reactor to overheat."

I see a lot of works sited sources that you could be added into your essay... where necessary.



19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.
I don't see any quotes in her paper.