“Our first experience of this life begins here on the first day. This won’t be recorded in language or be retrievable into rational thought. But the limbic brain remembers and our body remembers. Here is when we begin to build our model of what to expect, of who will be there, of how we will be received, of how safe it is out there, of how we can make ourselves known and comforted.”
A baby changes peoples’ lives. Parents hear advice from everywhere, whether it's from a close friend or the local bookstore. There are hundreds of ‘how to’ baby books. One of the methods promoted in these instructional baby books, is allowing a baby to ‘cry it out’ and ‘baby training.'
Although there are many proponents of the 'cry it out' method, this method is not a safe way to raise a healthy child because it can desensitize a mother to her baby’s only form of communication, reverse the parent-child bond, and even cause brain damage. Many families have passed down this advice from previous generations; and that is why so many have been accepting of it. It has become cultural for a lot of families today.
The proponents of the ‘cry it out’ method have good intentions. They believe that if a caregiver comes to a baby’s side every time he cries, they are teaching the baby to manipulate them. Their whole ideals are based on not raising a spoiled child. By putting a baby on a strict schedule and allowing them to self-sooth, they believe that parents will have a healthier, more independent baby who will not keep them up all night.
There are also doctors who are advocates of the ‘cry it out’ method. For example, Dr. Richard Ferber’s original book, 'Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems' was published in 1985. His method includes letting babies gradually learn how to sooth themselves. In order to do this, a baby must be left to cry for a specific amount of time before a parent will come to console them. Dr. Richard Ferber has since updated his original version with a new expanded version released in 2006; 'Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition.'
It's possible for a caregiver to become used to the sound of a baby’s cry. By consistently allowing a baby to cry, overtime it's possible to desensitize one’s self to the sound of their cry. In effect, this can create a slower response to a baby’s needs and she will learn that she cannot rely on her caregivers. In addition, this could affect the baby’s food supply and milk intake. If a breastfeeding mother becomes desensitized to her baby’s cry, it will be harder for her body to allow normal let-down reflex which allows her milk to flow.
Letting a baby cry can also affect the parent-child bond. If repeatedly ignored, a baby can actually lose trust in the caregivers. A baby that feels safe and secure is more likely to become more independent and cry less. On the contrary, ignoring a baby’s cry will not allow a healthy attachment to develop, which can create problems with dependency and trust later in life.
Brain damage is another side effect of letting a baby cry for extended periods of time. When a baby needs attention, but is ignored consistently – this can lead a baby to feel helpless. Ignoring a baby and allowing him to cry is literally causing damage to his brain. According to Pyschohistorian Lloyd deMause author of 'The Psychogenic Theory of History,' feelings of hopelessness can cause severe brain damage by causing a large release of chemicals (cortisol, adrenaline, and stress hormones) which kills brain cells. In addition, the brain region behind the eyes (orbital frontal cortex), which functions to create feelings of guilt and empathy for others, can be undersized by lack of attention.
The world famous psychologist John Bowlby founded ‘Attachment Parenting’ and has extensively researched to promote the importance of early attachment and bonding between the parent and child. In his book, 'A Secure Base, Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development,' he writes about the effects of ignoring children and believes children who are ignored or feel rejected are more likely to grow up feeling unhappy and anxious.
Babies truly are dependent on their caregivers. There may be sensible reasons to use the ‘cry it out’ method, but ultimately it is unsafe, unhealthy and unnecessary for any baby. When babies are better understood, it will be easier to respond to their needs appropriately.
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